It is hard to believe how I have evolved as a mother and as a woman, I always thought about the person I wanted to one day become but the years passed and I felt as if that person was a fictional character.
My difficult childhood took a toll on the person I wanted to become and there was a point in my life where I had given up on my own growth. But with the birth of each of my children I rediscovered myself just a little more, each one of my children are like pieces of the puzzle of my life. Each one of them taught me a little more about myself and I was able to see glimpses of that person I dreamed of becoming. The biggest lesson my children have taught me is the endless amount of love you can feel for a child, no matter how old they are. There are no words to describe the love I feel for them, it is immeasurable. To know and feel that you would trade your life in an instant for theirs without a second thought or fear is a grand experience.
Sophie’s birth changed me drastically, my precious girl with her mere existence was a really big piece of the complicated puzzle of my life. Her birth left me completely exposed, no more barriers, no more hiding; it was time to face life. Who was I? Did I truly know myself, or was I pretending to be someone else because I had no idea who I really was. Her birth lead me down a path of emotional self-destruction, then a healing phase and what followed was an awakening of my true self.
Sacrifices were made to give Sophie a fighting chance at life, but little did I know just how hard all of those changes would be for my family. The reality was much more scary than how I thought we would make it through. But we have pulled through and I am stronger than I could have ever imagined I could be. And in giving Sophie a voice I found my own. I discovered my inner self and realized that I could speak up, I could say no and close the doors to toxic relationships. I didn’t care anymore what others opinions of me were, it is my life not theirs.
I learned to fight for my family and for myself, I came to learn what true friendships are and have a new-found respect and appreciation for life. I finally realized that I deserve more, and I was finally able to accept myself for who I am. I closed the door on many relationships including those with family members who only used me for their own agenda and as there guinea pig for spreading ugly lies because they thrive off of gossip.
I am now able to separate myself from groups that I felt did not support my needs or feelings despite my once dedication to them, I don’t need any of these situations that bring negativity into my life. I am now able to let them go without the need for explanations or apologies. I found my freedom in this new-found strength. A freedom that opened my eyes to reality, that not everyone is true or cares for you. I was always very gullible, but I am not anymore.
I found my strength to fight, and my voice to stand tall, I found the strength to love myself with all my flaws and be proud of the woman I have become. And I finally realized that I have become that woman I had always dreamed of and more.
My children fueled my desire to become greater, and they taught me the meaning of true and unconditional love. My determination to give my children the best and happiest life possible is what helped me move past what was limiting me.
So when I am faced with obstacles and I feel like the world is up against me I can reflect on how far I have come, how strong I truly am and I can keep moving forward. Being a mother has been the biggest accomplishment of my life and it has set the stage for me to want to grow more each day.
I would not be who I am without my children, all six of them!
I am stronger today because I am their mother.
My Dance in the Rain 
