Making my dream come true!

This has been some year for me, I have truly found myself and allowed myself the freedom to truly accept what direction I wanted to take my life in. Since I was a teenager I have dreamed of owning my own business, anyone who know me and especially those close to me know that I am gifted when it comes to the food, I love the kitchen. The kitchen has always been my favorite room in the house, I love everything about it, from the dishes to the stove with the exception of cleaning it. I hate cleaning the kitchen!

For a long time I talked about opening a restaurant, that was all I could imagine myself doing but I always had an excuse when it came time to get down to business. I tried to push myself to study  other subjects but always found my way back to food. Several years ago I began baking at home, I am a make everything from scratch kinda girl but baking from scratch was new to me. I decided I would give it a try, I started with cookies and muffins. Later ventured into cakes, then cake decorating and breads. I would get excited just looking at beautifully decorated pastries, it was so natural to me. It’s weird because I am not a fan of eating sweets, breads on the other hand are a difficult subject for me because I can’t get enough of them.

Life continued on and I kept telling myself it would happen one day. Well, one seemed to never arrive and I just kept putting it off. My life was already so hectic, a working mom with all these kids how would I ever find the time, right? I went to tour the a school for culinary several years ago thinking that was the direction I wanted to go in. During the tour I walked by students working on Pastry decorating and it stopped me in my tracks. It was very emotional, I felt like I wanted to cry. The person giving me the tour looked at me and said, “Well, it looks like you have found your calling “. After that I knew that I wanted to be a Baking and Pastry Chef, I  registered but never started school. I soon found out I was expecting again and Sophie’s health had begun to really get complicated. The timing was just not right but I beat myself up for a while feeling like I had given up.

I finally made the timing right, I made the decision to finally do this for myself, for my family and our future because I know in my heart this is where I will be successful. It was a tough decision because I will rarely be home, but it is a sacrifice worth making. If I kept making excuses I would never find the right time because let’s face it my life will always be busy and complicated.

Today was my orientation day through it all I wanted to cry, I was so happy. It was such a liberating feeling with no guilt attached.  I start college next week and for the next 18 months I will be busting my butt to be the best I can be because I am going to make my dreams come true.

Yes I waited until I was 35 to go back to school but there is also a lesson to be learned. We often make excuses to avoid facing those things we are afraid of and it doesn’t matter what age you are. Dreams can always come true but you have to make it happen. I am making my dream a reality.

A long awaited graduation

This year has been a year of beautiful moments!

My son, my first-born Arturo has achieved so much and I am so proud of him. Having a sister with special needs is not easy but to him it’s no big deal, Sophie is his sister and that’s it. I could not have asked for more amazingly loving children.

When we moved back to Florida last year my kids were ecstatic, especially the three older ones. They were so ready to get back to school and interact with their old friends and that was the plan but to our surprise when I went to enroll my high schoolers back in school we were told my son only needed one credit and there was no need for him to attend school physically. What? No way! How did that happen? Well, I am proud to say I have been blessed with very smart kids!

And so the only credit he needed was accomplished with an online course so he got to skip his entire senior year! Whoa!! It was all as if God had laid out this plan for us as we were trying to get back on our feet and I had no help with the kids. Arturo took over and was there to help me during the day as we worked towards our goal of getting back on our feet.

And then the year passed and it was time for him to graduate High School! We were psyched! In my immediate family graduating high school was never a priority. Yes I went back and graduated after Arturo was born but it’s not the same for me. My son finished school, he rarely missed a day of school and was always a great student. Always so smart and well-behaved, I am very lucky.

Since Arturo did not want to participate in all the senior year functions like prom I wanted to make sure he felt how proud we were of him and his accomplishments. The day of his graduation we took his brother, sister, cousin, godmother, great-grandmother and uncle with us. Let’s say it was enough for him to feel the love!

We threw him an awesome graduation party and soon after he was registered in college, actually we registered together! I am so proud of him! His uncle bought him his first car which I was not ready for but I know have to let him grow up. He got his license and began working at the beginning of the year and he is dedicated and responsible. He has this great work ethic that I like to say he inherited from his parents. He is all that I could have ever asked for in a child. God has blessed me immensely.

Congratulations to my amazing son Arturo!

 

 

 

 

Letting go

For more than half of my life I have struggled with myself, with my existence; learning to let go of the chains that held me down was one of the most difficult challenges of my life. My childhood was difficult, by the time I was a teen I was lost emotionally and had no clue who I was or where I belonged. It was a journey that took me to some dark places, it led me to mistakes I could not possibly understand at that time and ultimately to grow up way too fast.

As the years passed my emotional struggle only became more difficult, the anguish and isolation I carried as a child only escalated into my adult life. I was easily angered and cried all the time and for everything. An argument would easily turn into a screaming match, my husband and I had a love hate relationship for many years; he loved me and I hated him for it.

When you are raised without the expression of love it can leave an emptiness deep inside of you, it consumes you. I had no relationship with my mother because from an early age I was well aware of how much she never wanted me, I don’t recall a loving embrace, compliment or words of encouragement from my family. And, it’s not their fault it’s just the way they are.

I lived most of my adult life longing for happiness and not understanding why I could not be the happy person I had always dreamed of being. I had a good man by my side, beautiful children, a good job and a nice home. And yet nothing, the torment was still there.

Then my daughter Sophie was born, her birth lead me to an even darker place until one day I just hit rock bottom. I tried to mask my hysteria, I even convinced myself of my own lie. Everyone around me always commented on how well put together I was, yet inside I was a raging mess of anger, heartache and tears.

In the last year I finally found the strength to meet with someone whom is now my life coach. It was the best decision and gift I could have given myself,  it was then that I realized that I was my own worst enemy. I, and I alone had the power to change how I felt and make the changes in my life that were needed to truly be happy. And so I began the process of letting go, it started with an extensive conversation with my husband. It was time to accept responsibility for my mistakes and realize that I was using him as my emotional punching bag “figuratively, of course”. I then followed that process with forgiveness, I forgave myself for my own mistakes and forgave all those who had hurt me. Carrying all that anger and resentment was only poisoning me.

I then put my life goals out on the table, I was able to see myself for the first time and I could see where I wanted to be in my life and what changes I needed to take to get there, I was able to find my path. I also had to free myself of my attachment to my children, while they are my life the truth is I also want a little piece of personal space for myself. This also gave them the extra freedom they needed to begin to find themselves and today my three teenagers and I have a better relationship than we have ever had.

Letting go is a work in progress, but I love who I am today. I finally feel like I have grown to become the person I was always meant to be. I feel at peace with myself, I am happy and healthy and the best part is the anger is not there anymore.

Now, it’s not an instant fix, my life is far from perfect but it’s enough for me. I still have tough days and I am certain there will be many in my future but even through those days I continue to remind myself that only I can control the outcome of my happiness. Letting go of the past is  just as important as letting go of the circumstances life throws at you that you ultimately have no control over. And equally as important as letting go of other people’s choices and negativity; I’ve learned how not to allow any of it to consume me anymore. In the end its my life,  it’s my choice, and I am the one in control.

Sophie, your 5

Hypnotized by the SunSet. God is smiling upon her.

Sophie, you are 5. Five years old, it feels like just yesterday that you took your first breath. You have amazed me and all those who have been lucky enough to be a part of your life.

You have taught me the meaning of True Unconditional Love. You have taught me patience, acceptance and equality. Because of your existence I can now see the world with clarity, the bad with the good. Fighting for you has taught me the true treasures of life, family. For there is no greater love than the one a parent feels for their child. I love you with the same force that God loves us, his children.

You are a gift. You are my symbol of hope, my inspiration. Your family loves you more than words can describe. You leave an everlasting imprint on those who open their hearts to you. You are loved by so many! You are perfect, as perfect as each one of your brothers and sisters.

Five years. Five amazing years full of tears and laughter. I pray that God allows you to celebrate many, many more years to come, my beautiful little girl.

I love you!

Happy Birthday.

 

 

Tristan is 3

Tristan is 3.

It feels like just yesterday we were celebrating his birth. My amazing little boy!

It took several months for me to convince my husband that it was a good idea to have a sixth child. He was afraid, understandably. Still learning to adjust to our new life of parents to a child with special needs it was hard to see past our circumstances at that moment.

Tristan is Incredibly smart. He will lead us in prayer at the dinner table. He will say “God Bless you” if you sneeze. He protects his little big sister Sophie as if he were her guardian. He is Sophie’s best friend. Amazingly loving. A perfect little boy.

Tristan. Strong willed. Beautiful. Determined. Healthy. Intelligent. Compassionate. Kind. Loving. Playful. Happy.

My Beautiful little boy, the one to complete our family and make us whole. Dear child, how we (your family) love you. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. Another one of God’s masterpieces, I could not have wished for a more perfect child.

Happy 3rd Birthday my little LOVE!

If you saw me….

If you saw me would you realize that I am unique?

If you saw me would you know that I perfect in every way?

If you saw me would you feel the peacefulness that radiates from me?

 

If you saw me would you know that I am a little sister?

If you saw me would you know that I am a big sister?

If you saw me would you know how loved I am by so many?

If you saw me would you know that I am like you, but different?

If you saw me would you know that I have #CriDuChat Syndrome?

If you saw me would you think that I was five years old?

If you saw me would wonder why something about me draws you in?

If you saw me would you know? That I was born with #CriDuChat Syndrome. Like you but different. Would you know that my family loves me just the way I am. Would you know that no matter what obstacle life throws at me I see no limits. Would you know that my family and friends pray for me and Thank God for me every day. Would you have any idea that I am uniquely perfect by the grace of God?

You would. If you would listen. You would know about me if you would open your heart and mind to more than what you know. You would know me if you would drop the veil of differences and see me. Me. Sophie. A little girl, full of love, laughter, life and strength.

If you saw me, truly saw me; there is so much you could learn from me. Open your mind, open your heart and see me.