This is part II of What I took for granted. As I’ve been analyzing my life recently I realized there was alot I took for granted when we lived in Florida. All I have ever wanted was to be happy, especially after the sucky childhood I had or better the lack there of. And for many years I was happy, I had built of my life and truly enjoyed every moment of it until LIFE caught up with me.
When we lived in Florida the state where ALL my family is I was so consumed with surviving I did not stop to breathe often. I love my grandmother with all my heart, she is the woman who raised me and while I lived close to her I did not make the effort to spend more time with her. She is not getting any younger and now that she is so far away I wish I had spent more time with her. I miss her, she is my Mima and the woman who wanted me when my mother left me in the hospital after my birth. I took the time we had together for granted.
I’ve been feeling lonely being so far away from my family and friends but it’s so much more than just knowing they are close by. For almost a year I have tried to make some friends here but I have had no luck. I miss knowing people where ever I went. They knew me at the grocery store I frequented, the produce market and even the WIC office. The familiarity of it all was nice, I am trying here but it’s hard. I thought I had a really good friend here but that ended in a disaster. Now I’m here alone in a state I’m still trying to get used too not enjoying myself and wondering if it was all worth it. I used to swear I was all alone when I lived in Florida and it wasn’t until recently when I had two severe anxiety attacks which merited visits to the ER that I realized I was not. In fact it is here that I am truly alone.
A huge motivator for our move here was services for Sophie. The school which has been great with providing Sophie with instruction and therapies according to her needs is really the only huge difference than the services in FL. When we first arrived I was able to get her set up with private therapies as well but now the private companies are dropping in home clients so she won’t be getting the extra therapies which leaves us with the same amount she received in FL. Here they offer diapers and respite care, well they do in Florida too. Sophie has been approved for the CAP C medical waiver here and it’s been a huge struggle just to get basic necessities, it only took 2 months (extreme sarcasm) to get all the supplies for the suction machine and I’m still waiting for the thick-it, pulse-ox monitor and resuscitation kit she had been approved for three months ago. I had to complain about her case coordinator and yet here I am still with no supplies. Some items I needed they could not provide but if I was still in FL I could have gotten it. So I wonder, was it worth it?!
I’ve realized it’s not always black and white. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side but when your they’re walking on it you realize it’s not. It’s basically the same, there may be some spots that are fuller than others but over all it’s just a green as it was on the other side.
It’s hard when you come from such a fast paced life to learn to slow down. I thought I wouldn’t miss the big city, the ocean and the endless list of stuff to do and places to go but I do. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest and not take anything for granted and in order to do that I have to stop, breathe and recognize all the little things that make life great and not let a moment go by without enjoying it thoroughly. I guess I’m just a city girl at heart.
My Dance in the Rain 
It’s not always easy to cultivate your own grass…don’t be too hard on yourself!!!
Thank Tiffany!
Perhaps you have not given North Carolina enough time. The friends in Florida have been made over the course of your life – not in one year or less. Perhaps you should have researched the move and location a little more i.e. if you knew you would have to go to doctors and specialists why would you choose to live 2 hours from them? Perhaps the lack of culture you feel in NC is becuase you have not opened your own heart and mind to experiencing other cultures different from your own. The Raliegh, Durham, Chapel Hill area has a variety of diversity. Perhaps you miss your own comfort zone. Perhaps you should have thought about all of this before you ripped your other children out of their schools and lifestyles for what you thought was the betterment of one without doing the necessary research. Stop blaming others for your move and take responsiblity and ownership for yourself.
gmc2m4,
I am giving North Carolina time and some of my friends in FL were not made over years some were new and wonderful. And I did research doctors and schools and all that I needed to research before I moved, I am not an uneducated woman to make such rash decisions without research. There was a reason I chose this location and maybe it was not the ideal location but it was our decision. And for the record I have opened my mind and heart to different cultures or the lack there of. It’s not about comfort zone, it’s about so much more. I am comfortable here it’s just an empty comfort. And I did not rip my children out of their schools and lifestyles, they finished out the school year before our move and had plenty of time to prepare and voice their opinions and they have maintained their lifestyle here with their family who is there father and myself. Sometimes no matter how much research you do until you live the actual expereience you cannot see the pros and cons. I have no idea what would make you think I do not take responsibility or ownership for my decisions because I do one hundred percent and my family knows that, we are a team. I do not place the blame of my decisions on any one other than myself, no one is perfect afterall it is our life experiences that teach us and allow us to grow from them. If you were a regular reader and knew my whole story I believe you would have a different opinion about my post. None the less, thank you for stopping by.